Shadow Voices

Web of grief consuming her thoughts half empty bottle of whisky dangling in her fingertips, arm hanging off the side of the bed. Her mind has turned into a pool of mush assumptions confusion allegations a black pit of fuck it is forming, that is what she is becoming. Carrying to much bullshit on her shoulders for far to long. Most of it isn’t even hers!. You know that rumble deep down inside that festering feeling where you just want to unleash on every mother fucker in sight? That’s where she is at. The wing of a positive thoughts long gone,The radios playing in the kitchen she bobs her head up and down listening to the tune. She lays back on her bed the talons of self hate closing in again fucking with her head.

Ripping clawing at any window of rainbow coloured flower fields of a fuck left.. No glimpse of anything good in her life left. Be it small as fuck. She’s done, done with the games, the fake masks people wear the polite bullshit life brings knocking on the door from opportunists no real people left in this world. Only people who want shit from you. They see an opening of what can we get out of her wonder what shit we can spill to get what we want from this one.. Uh-uh not anymore. No genuine people left in this world. She slams that fucker shut! bolts it an walked the fuck on. No more! she is sick of her heart and kindness being taken for granted by people that she shouldn’t have ever wasted her fucking time on. Doormat for to long too many chances to many niceties fuckin done she is.

The shadows dancing with her thoughts digging her deeper into a scenes of hell on earth, her mind a carousel of people’s faces that have fucked her over time and time again. Her mind spinning even further into a fury of fuck it. “There’s no way out” the shadows keeps telling her. She sits up puts the whiskey bottle beside her after taking a swig. Her hands clenching the sides of her head clumps of hair threaded through her fingers as she presses onto her skull. Wanting the shadows to stop talking. She lets out a growl as her fingernails drag down over her face blood starts to trickle down the scratches she has caused to herself. Shadows telling her she is abandon she is worthless she is nothing taking up time and space. That’s all she will ever amount too NOTHING. Every whisper
pulling her in. She wants revenge, she wants to see those who fucked her over feel her fury her wrath even for a second to know what pain they caused her, be it physical or emotionally. She stands up looking at the blurry reflection of herself in the mirror, “What a fucking mess” she says to herself.

Eyeliner lipstick smudged across her face blood over her cheeks from the scratches she inflicted earlier she can’t find her glasses anywhere she gives up after a few looks around her room. She takes a bottle of pills off the dresser flipping the lid and guzzling down a couple with a sip of whisky. They keep her from sleeping she hates to sleep. Night terrors worse than the shadows that have started talking to her in the past few days. The night terrors scratch at her rib cage from the inside out. Popping her ribs one by one always the same damn nightmare. She walks to the bathroom leaning on the basin turns the tap on cupping some liquid soap she pours in her hands and water cleaning her face, she pulls the towel off the handrail drying off before throwing it on the floor. This is so not like her usually everything has a place and in its place her mind is lost in the trenches of darkness and evil darkness at that. She heads back to her bedroom. Slides the doors open on her wardrobe grabs a fresh pair of dark denim jeans and a black hoodie off the hangers gets dressed grabbing her boots and bowing knife on the way out the door. She lights a cigarette sitting on the steps sliding her boots on. “Fuck it” she thinks to herself..

These pricks are gonna pay!! She opens up her address book on her phone as she opens the door to her car. “eeny meeny miny mo who will be the first mother fucker to go” She says to herself as she scrolls through the names. Starts the car reverses out the driveway. A single name lit up on her screen its 11:01pm now. Not many cars around on the roads for a Monday night, the weather is foggy cold storm building just like her mood. She see’s this as a sigh in and out without to many hassle’s. She sits the car idling across the road from a brick house garden lights neatly lining the path to the door.

The shadow’s start talking to her again, she lights up a cigarette watching the house a single light is on inside, she waits for it to go off.. she opens her door and walks across the road up the driveway jumping the side fence slowly turning the handle on the backdoor and entering the house. The halls way still lined with baby pictures she glances at them as she makes her way up the hall way. She walks into the woman’s bedroom standing over her bed, knife in hand wanting to run but frozen solid. The shadow voices willing her to do it.. Telling her “SLICE HER FUCKIN THROAT IN ITS NAME DO IT NOW!” She trembles the knife gripped in her hand white knuckled. Her teeth clenched shut, grinding back and forth over each other.

She starts having flash backs all the times she was fucked over by everyone in her life,, if she kills this one person it will make up for everything and everyone that’s done her wrong. “This will fuck everyone up, everyone will feel the pain. With out laying a hand on any of the bastards. One life to cause pain to so many, yeah fuck it yeah I’m going to slit her throat” she thinks as she looks at the blade shining off the light from the street. She takes a few deep breaths.. the point of the knife pierces the woman’s throat she tears her open ear to ear blood spilling everywhere. She smiles hearing her gasping for breath bubbling blood then silence. She walks into the kitchen opens the fridge grabs a Fanta and walks out the front door stuffing the blood soaked knife down the front of her jeans, Smile on her face something she hasn’t done in a long damn time.

She feels high as fuck the adrenaline coursing through her body. She jumps in her car giving the bird to the house she just left as she drives off.. Next morning she wakes up in her mothers hallway. Hearing her mother singing away in the kitchen. She instantly thinks “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I THOUGHT I KILLED THIS BITCH LAST NIGHT!?” to herself. She gets up and goes to the bathroom sits on the toilet trying to remember what happen last night?..The shadows start whispering you did it!! You killed her! IN IT’S NAME YOU DID IT”. She starts pacing back and forth telling the shadow voices to “shut up” as she strips off the knife still down the front of her jeans. She hides it in her dirty clothes and get in the shower.. still thinking “Fuck what have I done? whose house was I at? who the fuck did I kill”. She washes last nights blood bath off her leg along with the rest of her body.. Her mother knocks on the bathroom door saying “are you about done in there and since when don’t you wear your glasses?

I have to get going, next time your drunk ass feels like sleeping here let me know in advance asshole.” She answers “yeah yeah I’m just washing my hair bloody hell.” She gets out of the shower looks for plastic bag for her clothes in the kitchen draws, wrapped in a towel she goes through her mums wardrobe for something to wear gets dressed into a summer dress while thinking she wants them clothes from last night gone ASAP! her keys on the hall stand she picks them up yells out to her mum ” I’m gone cya mum” as she walks out the door. She starts her car still trying to figure out who the fuck she slit for ear to ear.. She turns into her street her son in-law sitting on her fence hunched over in tears. She pulls over the car, gets out runs over to him asking “what’s wrong what’s happened?”  He looks up at her eyes red raw and says “I got home from night shift three hours ago and found your daughter in our bed covered in blood her throat cut from ear to ear.

Pic – Google (unknown)

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